The one too many half wits we meet in life

  • The one who is a hungry fly

That time when you are in the kitchen and cooking something for yourself or spending some quality time with your food, this person will hover around you, eyeing your food with greed laden eyes.  They will incessantly comment that your food looks delish or gourmet even though it’s just instant noodles or a tomato cucumber sandwich.  Feeding them once in a while is okay but constantly having them in the vicinity with eyes fixated on your food does not count as a pleasant experience.

 

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  • The one who is always whining

Have you met this person who is constantly agonizing over everything and everyone? For example, they may hate their job, they may hate the process of looking for a job, they may hate the ‘good’ offers that they are getting and then they hate that they were rejected for those offers. I am not against hate, hate all you want. But what sets me off is how vocal they have to be about their hatred and how little do they do to improve their lives. These people are never satisfied with anything that they get and they pounce on first opportunity to complain.

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  • The one who is always arguing

These are another set of vocal ones. No matter when you look at them, they are constantly arguing. Be it for their desk that hasn’t been set up or on someone not complying to their standards of punctuality or for a certain compliance that they have to oblige to. The moment you say something to them, they will pick a loud argument in an attempt to assert their point and establish their superiority.

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  • The one who is not so subtly sexist

We all know this one person who constantly pitches the idea of marriage and mentally clocks the birth of our children. They come up with remarks like 24 is the best age for women to get married because any later than that makes them undesirable in the eyes of a man. When you ask them about their marriage plans they deny stating that they have better plans for life rather than ruining it by getting married. They talk about girlfriends generically and question how do men put up with their girlfriends. They tell you that you cannot single -handedly look for a house or assemble furniture or get a deed executed or walk a km to take a bus or talk about a sport or discuss stock markets because you are a woman. And if you do any of these or the myriad of other things that they deem women incapable of doing they wind up the conversation saying that you are different, that you are not like other women. When you try to point out their sexism, they tell you that they cannot be sexist because they have a sister. Wow.

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  • The one with the flawed reasoning skills

Let’s imagine you have cooked potatoes but on tasting them you realize that they are slightly raw. This person will suggest that the potatoes- the ones that you bought fresh the same day- remained uncooked because they were rotten. When you explain the concept of acid rain to them, they throw you a puzzled look and render the theory of gases infusing with rain water a myth. They believe that the refrigerator will stop functioning if you keep a warm dish inside and that the microwave will blow apart if something is overcooked accidentally. I don’t know how, but they have the ability to jump to the least logical conclusion in every situation.

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  • The one who is smugly uninformed

I remember a friend asking another friend (who is based out of Karantaka) what language did she watch Baahubali in. She replied Hindi, to which he further questioned that why did she not watch in South Indian. She replied that it released in Tamil, Telugu and Hindi and since she does not understand the former two, she watched it in Hindi. He then looked surprised that why did it not release in South Indian. You see how ignorant that sounds.

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I have known someone who believed that Kolkata is a state and that Darjeeling is in Kolkata. I have known someone who did not know who our first President was. I have known someone who thought that BJP and Congress are the only two political parties in India. I have known someone who did not know that when you carry a number from the denominator on the left hand side of the equation, it goes to the numerator on the right hand side and they were in college. I have known a person who did not know what evaporation is and said that it is not a part of their syllabus, so they are not required to know the same. I think a lot of credit goes to Karan Johar and Kareena Kapoor movies for popularizing the idea that being dumb is cool, but really it is not.

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  • The one who is a senior with zero regard for young

Have you been in a situation where you were required to meet someone at a senior position and they kept you waiting? You fix an appointment, personally confirm the same with them and then when you take a good 50 km detour to meet them, they are busy. It is not about them being occupied that sets me off but it is about that blatant lack of concern for your time, that unapologetic demeanor and that absence of basic courtesy to at least send a small message to reschedule.

I remember applying for an internship where the recruiter failed to call me for the scheduled interview six times. Almost on half the occasions, he reached me after days for rescheduling. After the 6th time, I politely declined that I cannot go through the never ending series of rescheduling, he expected me to understand that he was a busy man. While I understood the same what he failed to see was that even I had commitments that I was setting aside to make time for his offer.

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  • The one who is obsessively defensive

Picture this: X is a young man with a very naughty son. The kind of son who drives him crazy on days by making screeching noises, by ripping apart soft toys, by crying incessantly in social settings, etc. On some days, X cannot help but wonder how peaceful his life would have been without the prodigal son.  But the moment an outsider suggests that X’s son is stubborn and may be causing them a lot of trouble, X will hold their guard and completely oppose such a claim. At that point, X’s son will be a kind soul who has given them nothing but contentment.

This is simply one example of how defensive can X be. They use this trick every time someone voices an opinion contrary to theirs.

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  • The one who markets your opinions as their own

Imagine you told a friend that you want to go to Wayanad for a vacation. The scenic beauty coupled with a lost world appeal would make for a fulfilling visit. The next day your friend repeats the same sentences word by word to another person branding it as their own desire. It does not stop there. Your opinion on a stand up comedian, your taste in music, your taste in sports, your impression of your colleagues, your startup idea, your evaluation of a business model, no matter what you share with them, the next moment on, they make it their own. Things get strange, when they pitch your ideas to you calling them ‘original’. Just like the gift reshuffling on Diwali in an Indian house, they come knocking your door presenting a gift that you had given earlier.

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  •  The one with the noble intentions

Your friend gets rejected in a number of interviews. One night, in a non drunk conversation, they tell you that their parents believe the reason for their failure in securing a job is the people they socialize with including you. They further state that they agree with their parents. Over another conversation they call you cheap. They constantly put you in social settings with people you despise. They call you smug because you believe in helping yourself. They tell you that your analytical skills cause them stress. They tell you that they had requested their friends to compliment on your appearance even if they believed otherwise. They even tell you about that conversation with a friend where they concluded that you are stupid for not liking a movie. Basically, they say everything that could be deemed unfit for a pleasant conversation.

The moment you show that you are hurt, they say that your hostility is hurting them and they have always held bona fide intentions for you. All you can do is silently wonder that how can someone with such benevolent intentions utter such unkind words.

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Honorable mention: All the Ola/Uber drivers

  • who accept your request, ask you for directions, reach your pick up point and then deny going to your destination.
  • who accept the request but don’t even start moving in your direction until you call and ask them to do the same.
  • who accept and cancel the ride because they don’t want to cross the Marathahalli bridge or the Kundanahalli signal or the Sony signal or the Silk board or anything that comes in your way.
  • who claim that they are at the pickup location even when they are in an entirely different block. When you tell them to come to the actual location, they demand you to locate them.

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This was a small list of all the people who add that dash of thrill and excitement in my day. No matter where I am in life, I always manage to find people who forfeit my faith in humanity and add to the list of interesting anecdotes. Just when I think that I cannot run into someone more stupid, my life throws another funny surprise at me.

Here’s a small toast to the never ending loop of half wits that I get to meet in my life.

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What about you? Have you had the good fortune to meet the people I have mentioned in this post or do you have even better stories to share? Let me know in the comments 😀

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