Presently, from inside my head

If I am looking forward to an innovation at this point in time, that is a gadget which helps me transport a smell to another person. Like a small jar where you can trap the air in your vicinity and send that to someone so that they can smell the divinity you are surrounded with. How did I think of this? Every time I cook and I stand edged against the shelf, on the precipice of breaking into tears, it is the smell of the food that supplies me with hope of not having completely failed in my effort of bringing something edible to the plate. My food always smells thrice as good as it tastes. The time when I made coffee cupcakes, I was so drawn to the batter as I mixed the lukewarm coffee milk solution into the flour and the cocoa powder. Once the cupcakes went into the oven, the kitchen began to smell like a cozy patisserie round the corner. I had never imagined that I had it in me to cook something that smelled so magical.

lost-in-thought-by-davies-babies

I am 23 and I should be earning. I am 23 and I should be earning. I am 23 and I should be earning. I am 23 and I should be earning. I am 23 and I should be earning. Who said being 23 came easy.

I want to be a success story. For instance a FitBit success story, even though I don’t own a FitBit but a Jawbone Up Move and Jawbone does not run success stories on its blog. However if it did I would not make it, because for that you have to move and I don’t move but sit and yearn to be a success at moving. If you think of it, the magnitude of your commitment to say x is directly proportional to the intensity of your desire to achieve x. I fail that relation because my desire may be very strong but I commit very little to it. So, afterall I am a success at something, of a being an exception to this relation. And I am not just talking about being a success at FitBit but making a general comment on wanting to be a success in life and the omniscient void when it comes to working towards it.

If you meet me in real life, I come across as a neat person. Eight on ten days I look neat. But these days there is something about my appearance that is odd, that is not neat. I haven’t been able to figure out what that is but I know that there is something, that irks me every morning when I am getting ready.

Imagine, you met a certain person at a certain place and point in time. Everyday both of you’d be in the same place, you talked and grew fond of each other. Eventually you reached a point in time that they moved to a different place. But you are in the same place and on some mornings you sit where you’d sit earlier and miss watching them walk through that door and want to resurrect that time in this time. Even though, to long for this, is pointless because you are both closer than you were then but the longing is still housed in your heart and is housed as a compelling guest that keeps on revisiting you.

On some days, I have this unexplained urge to go out alone for say a quick snack or coffee or looking for clothes and on some such days I have done that. However every time I am out alone, people look at me in a strange light as if there is something embarrassing or worrisome about being out and lonesome. So every time I am out on my own, I rush through the entire affair which is contrary of what I was trying to achieve, to be able to sit in peace, undisturbed. If only there was a way I could do this without thinking about others.

I don’t wear ornamental jewelry or conspicuous jewelry. I like an understated appearance. However I am wearing a black dress at a cocktail party in a month and I have bought a golden neck piece to go along with that. Now, every time I go through a shopping website I end up saving a number of jewelry pieces, minimal elaborate and intricate ones. The voice in the back of my head coaxes me to proceed to checkout. But I don’t. But I know that one day I will. One day I will end up collecting an entire lot of ostentatious jewelery that will always seem too tedious or unwieldy to wear.


 

Image found on the given link.

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Author: Palak

A young woman who is busy carving a small niche for herself in this huge world. People intrigue me and had it not been for a career charted out in finance I could have made one helluva psychologist. I am fond of reading fiction and equally fond of holding on to a story for a while so as to analyze the way it shaped up. Television, movies and slow music are some of my other interests. I am an obsessive thinker and observer and being an absolute coffee addict and semi-somniac leaves me with ample of time to be one. This blog is an attempt to take note of some of the thoughts that cross my mind and a few of my experiences.

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