From behind the wheel

An early morning drive is meant to be perfection. But I think driving is over rated. Everybody talks about how liberating and therapeutic driving is. But I feel none of that. All I feel is the immense pressure of keeping pace with the changed gears, of avoiding potholes, of releasing the clutch smoothly, of saving people who walk right in the middle of road or people who ride bikes as if it’s their audition for Dhoom 4.

My brain does not even keep track of the music that’s playing. Even if it’s John Mayer, which speaks a lot about how consumed I am in the act of driving, of making it through the road. I can barely register my surroundings because I am singularly fixated on the expanse of the road and the vehicles which occupy it. That disturbs me. Because constant vigilance is what I do, observe everything that is around me. It comes across as fighting against my nature.

People stress me. Sometimes I think that the stress has nothing to do with driving, but is more about the person that I am. I can’t stand being confronted with a multitude of people in non driving situations as well. They terrify me and it is only after some time that I warm up to them. So It could have helped if the roads were deserted, but how many such roads will I be able to find.

Every one offer their two cents on driving to me. I take it all in. It never helps but eventually befuddles me more. My ineptitude at driving will be pinned to my gender. Isn’t it what they say, that never trust a woman with a steering wheel. I want to make this work. Among other things, I can’t stand another prejudice being thrown at my face. But, somehow I don’t see a bright future with this. In spite of all the time and commitment, this will be one of the things that I cannot do.

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Author: Palak

A young woman who is busy carving a small niche for herself in this huge world. People intrigue me and had it not been for a career charted out in finance I could have made one helluva psychologist. I am fond of reading fiction and equally fond of holding on to a story for a while so as to analyze the way it shaped up. Television, movies and slow music are some of my other interests. I am an obsessive thinker and observer and being an absolute coffee addict and semi-somniac leaves me with ample of time to be one. This blog is an attempt to take note of some of the thoughts that cross my mind and a few of my experiences.

4 thoughts on “From behind the wheel”

  1. I’m a terrible driver. Initially when my driving instructor judged my skills based on gender even before I got in the car, I! got all defensive and shot him some really dirty glares. After 15-20 classes, I grew even more resentful because I felt like I was letting down women everywhere by giving life to those stereotypical notions.

    1. My instructor did that to me on the fourth day. I cold shouldered him that morning and the next day I pointed out every guy on the road who was being indiscreet while riding/driving. I thought I will improve eventually but now I just feel exhausted with the whole act of driving. Every time the car jerks, even I think of what a disappointment I am being to women over the world.

  2. Driving is fun (not usually on Indian roads though). But yea, you’re just self-adhering to the stereotype!

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