The Sting of Failure

What happens when you fail? Fail at something you have been exceptionally well at. You have never known anything better, but what will you do now? Your world shrinks into nothingness. You don’t want to go out of your room. You don’t want to see people. Your brain is exploding. You yearn for an Undo button. You want to throw your phone out of the window. You do not want to talk, talk to people who want details, the how and why of your failure. Talk to people who tell you that it’s okay, because it really is not. You want to hold a machine gun in your hand and fire at people who told you that life comes easy for you. You want to kill people for envying the only thing you had and now it has vanished into thin air. 

You need peace, you need solitude. You want to think about yourself. You want to be selfish for once in your life without having to explain yourself. You are in retrospect. You believed that God grants a wish and forsakes one. It is the balance of life, you can never be too greedy.  But why is it that lately, nothing in your life has lived up to your hopes and efforts? They say that everyone fails in life, at least once, it sets your brain straight, makes you stronger. But why did the failure have to coincide with such a critical juncture in your life?

How do I know all of this? Because I just failed, failed at my forte. Without this I have no clue who I am. It was my only talent, only one that I knew of. I can’t sing, I can’t dance, I can’t paint/sketch, I am not beautiful, I am not outspoken, I am not witty and I am not loaded, but I was good at this. I do not know if anyone understands and maybe I do not even want them to understand. I am not looking out for a there-there, all I want are two answers, why me and why this?

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